


old regret is honey on my tongue

by orphan_account



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Gen, No Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:15:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28910700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: dream... he killed tubbo. he died in the very first l'manberg war. back as a ghost, tubbo doesn't crave revenge. instead he just wants things to back to normal. the return of his father... the return of jschlatt; those things make that seem difficult.tommy begs to whatever god exists that they can have a happy ending.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	old regret is honey on my tongue

**Author's Note:**

> almost 20k words; this is actually a rewrite of "you were never really there" in fact. uhm... so if you want to talk, use my twitter @LAVAINNIT. im clementine, nice to meet you.

tubbo felt something… whether it be triumphant or happiness, he couldn't tell. perhaps it's the fact it's the beginning of an end. or maybe the new era. the dark sky above the l'manberg soldiers was clearing up from the blood littered war. they won, after a long... long battle, full of pain and misery. victory was sweet, like the old honey from a fresh beehive. tubbo's eyes scanned the exploded battlefield, l'manberg flag was high in the sky as scraps of rubble and debris sprinkled the clearing like stars late at night. his droopy eyebags seemed miniscule at this point, all that was on his mind were the things that he could do now. he imagined living a life where he could build, be happy with his bees and villagers- be happy with his tommy.

he looked over to tommy, instead of happiness or triumph, he instead saw pain, misery and sadness. "tommy…?" he asked as he looked at fundy and Wilbur, the same as tommy. misery and despair.

maybe it was because l'manberg got destroyed, but that could be fixed, so that wasn't it. the fires from the tnt destroyed l'manberg consumed the walled in town, but he looked past it and saw a town that would be victorious. a nation. water was everywhere, seafoam at the top of the water, dancing in the waves. l'manberg falls no more. the ringing of tnt still echoed in his head, but he ignored it. he walked over to tommy. "we won, tommy. we won!" he said, trying to cheer up his best friend. instead, tommy kept his head low, blonde hair shadowing the blue eyes, solemnly, the young soldier held his hat to his chest. tears welled in the edges of tommy's eyes. tubbo tilted his head. was this happy tears? he sighed, as he tried to talk to tommy again. "tommy? tommy…?" he looked to fundy. "why are you ignoring me, tommy?! what the hell, man, not funny." he said, rubbing his eyes. "wilbur, tell tommy to stop being rude." he said, as wilbur looked at the sky and not at tubbo.

"okay, this isn't funny…" he said, looking at his enemy, dream, with anger.

"tommy?" he asked again, trying to touch his friend's arm. tommy didn't even flinch. tubbo walked backwards, almost shocked. why was everyone ignoring him? he felt his hands start to shake, as he phased through wilbur. by phased, it was "holy shit my hand went through his body", what the hell?

wilbur went to comfort the crying boy, tommy, but tubbo was confused. how... did he… do that?

"tommy, i know that tubbo meant a lot to you, but maybe… just maybe.. you know. you could… hold a funeral. maybe.. right?" wilbur asked as tommy shook his head.

"he's not gone!" tommy tried denying, his blue eyes full of pain and misery. "he's not gone! he's not gone!" he repeated, tears falling down his dirty cheeks, a trail of white skin following the tear as it washed away the dirt.

"w-what?" tubbo whispered, as he felt his heart sink. he isn't dead! he's... he's.. he's right here. his hat, his uniform, he was right there. happy. victorious. "im not dead!"

fundy started to cry too, as he looked over to the exploded rivers of l'manberg. "tubbo! his body!" fundy yelled as wilbur ran to tend to the corpse. he put his hand to his neck, feeling for some kind of pulse. 

"none." wilbur said solemnly. 

"no! no! no!" tommy screamed, pushing fundy and wilbur out of the way. "he's not dead! you just didn't do it right!" he screamed, "you didn't! you didn't!" he screamed again, as he felt the pulse.

"nothing…" he whispered.

"no. no. no. no no no no! no! i cant... i can't be dead. am i? im right here! l-look! funny joke guys! haha! im-" tubbo felt his throat try and block out the sob that threatened to fall. "im.. here guys. please- see me.." tubbo felt his heart ache, not from happiness but from grief. "is this what a ghost is?! im dead.. im dead."

tubbo put his legs to his chest, his mouth wavering and his eyes falling to the ground. tears fell from his cheeks, his body shaking from the panic in his system. "why!? why me?!" he screamed, this time clawing the dirt for some kind of grasp to reality.

he watched as dream started to walk over to wilbur and shake the general's hand. tommy, now angry, looked the green hooded man. masked as usual, but this time with a frown on his face. instead of a cocky, arrogant smile, it was an almost grim frown. "you bastard! you lying cheating bitch! you- you fucking killed him!" tommy screamed, his blue eyes full of anger and passion. "you fucking bastard! he was sixteen! and you... killed him! why?! why him…?" he asked, as if tommy read tubbo's mind.

dream picked up tubbo's hat and handed it to tommy. "he's dead now, there's nothing you can do about it. live your life, be happy with our independence." he grabbed tommy by the collar. "for now."

"you're guilty, dream! you bastard..." tommy started to break down in tears again. he looked away, grabbing his blonde locks in his hand and choking away any sobs. "i hate you... so much."

"that's okay." the dream smp soldiers walked away, as tommy sobbed over his friend's dead body. tubbo tried again to touch tommy, with no avail. tommy's blue eyes were full of tears and regret. tubbo's were filled with sadness. 

"i can't. i can't. i can't. how?! why?!" he whispered quietly.

tubbo stood there, his blue eyes darting between his friends. he gave up his life for l'manberg? he... he felt it... the memories started to come back. he remembered now.

it started with a bang.

dream's tnt explosion destroyed l'manberg, he remembered that. the members of l'manberg screamed as they dove into the water.

"wait!" tubbo said, picking up the book that fell on the ground. the black ink read "declaration of independance." tubbo smiled before feeling some kind of pain- any, like a mix of all the pain. he felt his back first, it was all too quick but he felt pain in his back. then in his legs, and then his arms. as he felt his whole body rip in half, it didn't actually, but it was unbelievably painful. his whole body fell into the water, as he tried to breathe. he couldn't move, he couldn't even swim. he clutched the book in his hands. he felt a hand in his, as tommy and wilbur pulled tubbo out of the water. he felt his dark brown eyes close, as tommy ran to his side. the water. water everywhere- bees hated water... right. his eyes felt droopy, he wanted to nap. it was all so quick he couldn't even recall what happened until he heard screams that he thought weren't humanly possible.

"t-tubbo!" tommy yelled, the blonde's hand pushing away the brown hair in tubbo's face that stuck due to the water. tubbo gave a solemn laugh, as he looked at tommy's blue eyes.

"im okay, tommy. im okay." he whispered, trying to hide the pain. he smiled, as tommy started to sob.

"fundy... do we have any golden apples left? please!" he screamed, as wilbur checked the enderchest. fundy checked his as well before shaking his head.

"we'll get you back to normal, we will... make you... you won't die! please!" tommy begged, his voice cracking. "i can't be here without you! please... tubbo... i beg!" he screamed, as tubbo smiled. "don't close your eyes, talk to me.. talk to me!"

"we had fun, didn't we? we got into wars… we got in trouble. we got independence." tubbo said, reminding himself of old, bittersweet endings.

"it's not the end, big man! come on, deep breaths." tommy begged as tubbo shook his head.

"i heard there was a special place." tubbo started, "where men could go and emancipate…the tyranny… and cruelness, of their rulers."

"this place is real. you needen't fret." wilbur said back. "with wilbur, tommy, tubbo, fundy not eret…"

"it's a very big and all blown up l'manberg." fundy sang, slightly off key. as the soldiers looked at each other, tommy kept shaking his head.

"finish the lines, tommy." tubbo begged.

tommy shook his head. "you're acting like this is the final time we'll see each other again!" 

"it's my final wish." tubbo said.

"fine. i- my l'manberg." he sang. "my l'manberg."

"my l'manberg. my l'manberg." the group said for the final time.

"im sorry." tubbo said, tommy putting his forehead on his friend's forehead.

"please don't go." he whispered before white.

then it was white.

all white.

white. emptiness. nothing. it wasn't black, but white. a voice in his head whispered something.

"tubbo… tubbo huh? you weren't supposed to die yet…" was the last thing he heard.

and then black, like it was supposed to be.

tubbo watched his own burial. have you ever watched your funeral? it was heartbreaking. he watched dream hide his tears behind his mask- ha. dream thought he could hide- no. no, he couldnt. tubbo watched as dream held back tears; so dream did feel bad about it? sapnap sighed, as he comforted george. everyone seemed to be sad, even the dream smp soldiers who killed him.

"okay. does anyone have anything to say about tubbo?" wilbur asked as he got down from the podium, the funeral was minimalistic. not many decorations; none at all really. just a podium and a coffin, tubbo's face all for everyone to see.

tommy stood up. "he... was my best friend. three years we fought together, i saw that in every battle he gave everything. he got all our supplies, he trusted us all. he did so much work- he did all the gathering... we never thanked him. i- i miss him so much. i don't know how l'manberg can celebrate after this.. but i know he's here with us. i can sometimes feel his eyes watching me as i cry, but-" tommy felt like crying again. "but we cant-" he choked out a sob again. "i cant- im sorry." tommy walked off the little slab of stone and sat back down, as tubbo hugged tommy. "im sorry." he said again.

"im here for you." the brunette ghost whispered, tommy unable to talk to move.

"thank you, tommy." wilbur said, as he looked around. "if no one else has anything to say, you may go…" he whispered, as tommy stood up and ran. ran as fast as he could, along the prime path, his breath started to go as his legs ached.

the bench. as tommy sat on the bench, tubbo watched. "tubbo, im sorry. i remember that- that you told me once that… that… that things would be okay. are they still okay?" he asked.

"yes." tubbo whispered, to no response as expected.

tubbo watched as tommy watched the sunset, often forgetting tubbo wasn't there.

"right." tommy said, before heading home.

it was like this for days. he'd watch tommy live his life. tommy even started to beg out loud. he'd often lie in bed, asking whatever god existed to bring tubbo back. anything. please. tommy even started to watch over the bees, tommy learned to build and started building houses in tubbo's honor. that impressed the ghost, but only solidified how sad this was  
tommy started to feel empty without tubbo there, everything tommy did was for his dead friend.

wilbur was cold and distant since the funeral. he buried himself in his work, almost like he didn't want to believe that tubbo was really gone and that he was just too busy to see the boys; it wasn't tommy being depressed no, he was just busy… tubbo didn't die.

fundy… he just… pretending nothing was wrong.

and niki? she tended to his grave every single day she replaced the flowers, she tended to the gravestone, pulling off moss that might've grown over the weeks. tubbo wanted to hug niki so bad. tubbo and niki never even met, but wilbur told niki the stories of the teenager. her heart ached whenever someone would mention it, as if she would have loved to meet the teen. they'd get along well, she thought.

eret was the guiltiest of all, he betrayed l'manberg, he was the cause of his friend's death. that was just too much for eret. eret lost a friend, a brother- for fame and money. he sat, alone in his empty castle. nothing but his own voice and guilt in his presence.

tubbo always sat down next to eret, telling eret that tubbo forgave him. no one could hear him. no one would look at him. no one would ever talk to him.

he was never really there.

tommy sat there, on the bench in his holiday home. he built that after the railway wars, which he lost because tubbo wasn't there. he felt tubbo's presence, an aura almost. he felt tubbo's hand on his as he listened to mellohi one last time. after fighting dream with jack to get the disc back. he felt tubbo hug him, sometimes. or a faint voice in the back of the head that sounded like him. 

"hey, tubbo. you there?" tommy whispered, his voice cracking. "it would be nice.. to have any sign. maybe-- maybe move something? stop the jukebox? maybe you're a ghost. im grasping at straws here."

"im still here... tommy." tubbo whispered, as tubbo tried to touch the jukebox. the music stopped. "wait- i can touch... the jukebox?" he whispered, as he saw tommy's face go from horror to shock in milliseconds.

"if you're here- do that... again?" tommy asked, as he watched the jukebox's button press, and turned on. "holy shit- you're a ghost." he whispered, blinking. he looked over to the side and saw something. a face he thought he'd never see before.

"tubbo?"

"tommy?"

"are you there?"

he felt tommy touch toby's ghostly apparition. it was cold, but in an empty, not sad way. cold in a comfortingly home-like way. tommy smiled, his blue eyes now back with the passion, joy and childlike wonder he once saw.

"i missed you."

"ive been haunting you for so long... why only now can you see me?" tubbo whispered, as tommy shrugged. he didn't want to admit that he started to believe tubbo was a ghost to keep himself sane. "and- i can only touch your jukebox? why's that?"

"can you stop asking questions and just give me a hug?"

"yeah- yeah i can."

he felt his friend's embrace. tommy could touch the ghost, now that tommy could see him. a small smile grew on tommy's face, as he started to cry. "i was so lonely."

"i was too."

tommy walked over to the bench and watched the sunset next to his ghostly friend. "tommorow," tommy started "tommorow we need to show wilbur and fundy, niki- this!" tommy shook his head. "did you see niki taking care of your grave?"

tubbo nodded, "i see everything now. i even see eret- and dream. sapnap. i see everyone- i watch everyone. it's all i could do."

"im happy i can see you, now."

"yeah, i am too." tubbo laid his head on tommy's shoulder for the first time in a long while. it was nice, to not be alone. even just for a few minutes. he sat there, as tommy talked to no one. wilbur saw this, and thought tommy was going crazy. tommy knew. he wasn't crazy anymore. he closed his eyes, his head in tubbo's ghostly lap. he was at home again.

"all your fault. all your fault. he's dead because you didn't protect him, you DISGUSTING monster." the voice in his head chanted.

"you should've died."

pain.

tommy woke up, the bright light of sunrise I his eyes. he looked around. the ghosts of his past seemed to disappear... tommy- tommy must have dreamed up last night. he wiped tears away, as he remembered those moments. the smiles, the hugs- the hand holding... the tears. holy shit, tommy's been so emotional lately that's he's dreaming about his friend coming back a ghost. he shook his head, sitting up and frowning.

no one was there, no ghost- no anything. no tubbo.

"are you- going to disappear when i wake up?" is what he whispered last night, as tubbo shook his head.

"i won't leave you."

"promise?"

"promise." tubbo muttered, patting tommy's head. he smiled at his ghostly friend before standing up and heading to bed.

tommy's eyes closed, as he felt tubbo's hand on his face. the last thing he saw was the smile he's always wanted to see. the smile he forgot— the smile he's forgotten but it was okay, tubbo was back. it all turned to black again as he fell into slumber.

tubbo made sure to stay there until tommy fell asleep and tubbo curled up at the end of the bed and fell asleep himself.

tommy laid down again, as he grabbed the blanket and hid under it as he heard foosteps. he wanted tubbo back, not probably wilbur or fundy or something. 

"tommy?" a familiar voice whispered, as tommy looked up. "sorry, i went to go and get you this when you woke up." tubbo whispered, as tommy smiled.

it wasn't a dream.

tubbo picked a flower from the little garden that he had. tommy smiled, as the brunette put the flower- a forget-me-not, in the blonde's hair. "who should we talk to first, today?" tubbo whispered, as tommy smiled.

"uhm, up to you. im not sure—" tommy muttered, as he stayed in his little blanket home. tubbo sat down next to tommy, cuddling down under the blanket. "can we just spend time together? i- lost you.. i just want to spend time with you, please."

tommy's changed a lot, tubbo noted. and that didn't mean it was a bad thing... it was just different.

"yeah, we can sit here and talk."

"what's it like being a ghost?" tommy asked, as tubbo smiled.

"lonely. im still affected by gravity, i can seem to touch things and very specific move things. though i phase through people. i guess that's it? im not sure how ghosts work right now." tubbo whispered. "but i seem to be able to touch you."

"how come i can see you?"

"i don't know. we'll have to figure that out later."

"yeah, yeah— let's just stay here for a bit?" tommy asked, as tubbo nodded.

the door to the holiday home opened, as tubbo stood up, the blanket seemingly moving naturally in the wind. the general walked into the room, his dark eyebags being the most prominent feature at the moment. tommy looked up begrudgingly.

"tommy— last night i saw you on the balcony. you were... talking to no one?" tommy turned a bright red. "i think that tubbo's death affected you the most. and i think we need to talk." tommy looked away as wilbur sat right where tubbo was supposed to be.

"don't sit there!" tommy yelled, as wilbur scooted over, confusion in his expression.

"tommy... tubbo is gone. he's not here anymore!" wilbur earnestly told his younger brother.. "this sounds bad; it's been several months! it's time to move on. really. he's not here anymore! i wish he was too, but it's starting to get worse." wilbur admitted. "you're starting to think he's actually here. he isn't."

tommy felt anger boil in his emotions. "no! he's here— you can't see him because you're not looking hard enough. he's right there!" tommy pointed to the empty seat. wilbur shook his head.

"no he isn't. we saw his body, tommy. no ones here."

"shut up! shut up! he's a ghost! do you not see him?" tommy screamed. tubbo, who didn't like all the yelling, tried to hug wilbur. wilbur didn't feel it.

he wasn't really there.

"tommy. seriously— stop!" wilbur said, as tommy hit wilbur in anger.

"leave my house! leave my house now!" he screamed, as wilbur stood up.

"grow up." wilbur muttered, before standing up and swiftly turning in his heel.

a noise came from the jukebox, as tubbo pressed the button. mellohi started to play. the jukebox was across the room, so wilbur looked to tommy.

"did you play that?"

"no." tommy said, matter of factly. as tommy grinned cockily. "i told you he's here."

"you're fucking with me! stop it." the music stopped, as tubbo sat on the jukebox and hit the side just a little bit. wilbur, in anger and confusion, left the house. "there's no fucking ghosts! grow up!" a door slam, angry footsteps and an empty room. that was what was left.

tommy looked away, muttering something along the lines of "wilbur's a bitch." then looked around the empty room, the cold air from outside gave a quiet breeze to the dust laden air; the sunlight lighting up each speck of dust.

well, the room was not totally empty, tubbo was there. the brunette looked to tommy for a second, then quickly ran over and lunged at him, a hug. the small ghostly arms locked around tommy's chest, as tubbo laid his head on tommy's shoulder. tommy, unsure of what to do, leaned into the hug and shifted so that tubbo could sit in tommy's lap comfortably. tubbo shifted to sitting up and putting his knees up. tommy decided to put his hand around tubbo and lean his head on the brunette's head.

tommy closed his eyes, as tubbo leaned back and watched tommy fall asleep. he closed his own eyes, before falling asleep himself.

wilbur walked in, to apologize at that, and saw what seemed to be tommy asleep in the most uncomfortable position ever. he closed the door, before rubbing his temples. now that he noticed it, why did tommy even have a flower in his hair? and now that wilbur thought of it, the blanket looked like it was wrapped around an invisible figure.

whatever. tommy needed help somehow. wilbur, being the older and responsible brother needed to help tommy. he missed the old younger brother he had, one who was energetic, passionate, a bit easy to anger, but sweet and kind under the rough layers. maybe that was selfish, maybe he was being wishful, but he just… needed the old tommy back. he wiped away some tears, before looking up and staring at the sky, sun shining in wilbur's eyes. he walked back to l'manberg.

on the other side of the smp, laid eret. eret looked at his lonely castle, the interior large, grand. bigger than he expected. he looked over to the fountain that laid in his courtyard, a nice touch but not the same. he looked over to the throne he owned, a beautiful work of art but alas, not what he needed. he looked over to his small little shrine, an offering of sorts; to tubbo. he walked over to it, his footsteps echoing in the empty castle, each step echoing in the corridors. he crouched down, taking off his sunglasses. his white empty eyes scanned his small little memorial.

a dog collar, from tubbo's dog, laid next to a large framed picture of tubbo, tommy, wilbur, fundy and eret. a flower, a forget me not laid next to his framed picture, courtesy to the only local florist in town. he picked up the flower and looked at the delicate petals. it reminded him of tubbo almost, like the soft gentle touch of a dewy petal, his personality was soft and gentle. chaotic, yes; but still kind. his eyes caught a sight of the left side of the wooden box, a small bee statue stood, a small engraving "to tubbo."; a gift eret never sent the former. the contents of his enderchest, valuable diamonds, a few books and music discs— it was all here in eret's castle. he stood up, dropping the flower he was holding into the small box. "i miss you, tubbo." he whispered, before turning away and heading back to his bedroom.

eret's mind lingered on the photo, tommy and tubbo were in the middle, tommy had his arm around the brunette. wilbur was hugging everyone, fundy and eret on the left and right of the photo. tubbo and tommy, the duo that were inseparable, the duo that everyone knew.. and loved to an extent.

the duo that he broke apart.

the duo that he betrayed.

eret laid in his royal bed, staring at the ceiling that was barren and empty. he decided to go and find something to do, ignoring the guilt that boiled in him. he looked to his window, blocked off by the glass. the light blue sky was ever so beautiful today, cloudless and pretty.

after the whole kerfuffle with tommy, wilbur sat down at his desk as usual. l'manberg's walls standing tall and as glorious as ever. he ran out of things to do on his checklist, so as the bright summer sun gave way to the window, he opened a file cabinet. a small piece of paper laid in his hands, he looked over at the notes he wrote just before the war, full of things he told himself he had to do, and was neglecting. the list was simple. stuff like:

"• finish walls (X)  
• talk to tommy (X)  
• ask fundy for funds  
• eret on our side?  
• invite niki!"

but at the very bottom he spotted two familiar names with two familiar handwritings

"• women, we need women! (- tommyinnit)  
• build some homes <3 (- tubbo)"  
wilbur looked away, the small drawn heart engrained in his head. he groaned, looking down on his empty parchment and started to write down some stuff.  
"• build homes, ask niki for help. she's our best builder."

he put his hat on the desk and frowned at the thought of tubbo. the bright young boy wasn't around which really... was different. tommy's passion became sadness; became hate. "perhaps…" the whispered, before writing a small letter to niki.

"dearest niki,  
as the dawn hits the horizon, i write this to you (it's not dawn, but it sounded graceful); please give tommy some therapy.  
— wil."

as wilbur headed to give the note to niki, the girli looked up at the cloudless sky, its summer mood ever so slightly making the day feel better. the bright sun made niki feel hot in her little cave, so she went outside and decided to tend to the grave of a boy she never met.

niki heard stories of the brunette, from just about everyone. tommy the most. like on one occasion, when tommy needed to just talk to someone, he'd go to the empathetic woman and ask her about tubbo.

"do you think that an afterlife exists?"

"maybe. im sure tubbo is in the place where he's the happiest."

"i wish tubbo was here with me."

"im sure he wishes he was here with you, too."

tommy started to sob, as niki held the sobbing boy until they fell asleep. on those nights, tommy got to be a kid. on those nights, tommy got to cry and be hugged. on those nights, tommy wasn't alone. on those nights, tommy had a mother. even if niki wouldn't admit it, she was the closest thing tommy had to a mother.

and on those nights, niki made an extra effort to tend to his grave. it's been a few months, so moss was starting to grow on the stone half oval. she slowly peeled it off using a knife, as she touched the engraved words.

"tubbo, buried next to the things he loved most."

her gentle fingertips made her way around each letter, tracing the words. her blonde hair was put up in a bun, the pale skin shining in the sun's shine. niki smiled gently, before setting down a small bouquet of forget me nots, looking up at the blue sky above. she laid down next to his grave, humming a tune that she learned from tommy.

on the other side of the smp again, dream yawned, waking up late as usual. his mask was next to his bed, so quickly putting it on he looked to his two friends who were already awake. sapnap and george were tending to their animals, as dream looked at the blue sky outside his window. despite his cool exterior he had another one of this nightmares.

he grabbed his hoodie, sliding it over his white t-shirt. he tried to ignore the nightmare.

a dark sky, like the night of the funeral. it was raining, as water started to fill up the walls of l'manberg. dream started to drown, the water bringing down his body. cold water filled his lungs as blood pounded to his heart, his adrenaline kicking in. he started to kick, trying to escape the water. his lungs felt like imploding, pain. horrible pain. his body fell and wavered against the strength of the incoming waves.

a hand reached out to save dream, as he grabbed it. he was pushed down by the hand, seeing a familiar face, his usual gentle expression full of anger and hatred.  
"its your fault."

tubbo pushed dream down and watched him drown.

dream started to cry, before adjusting his mask and going to talk to his friends. "so, what are we doing today?" dream said, smiling despite his desperate pleas. george and sapnap shrugged, before dream smiled. "i think i'll plant some flowers." before looking out the window, spotting a vase sitting at the table that he sat down at, blue flowers sitting there against the bluest of skies.

who else was looking at the blue sky, but Fundy? fundy went over to their "spo"t. by their, he meant eret, fundy, wilbur, tubbo and tommy's spot. "their" spot. under redwood trees, surronded by flowers, with foxes and with a jukebox and a small pile of gold; something for every member of l'manberg.

the orange fox-boy smiled, as he started to finish up his project— revamping the entire place. he made a river, flowing from each end of the secret garden. flowers individually placed in the most aesthetic way fundy could make them. the dawn light of the sun showered fundy in a warm blanket, his smile growing as he watched the bees move from blanket to blanket.

and of course, a piano. he sat down in the place he's spent hours in, and played a song that tubbo especially liked. chirp. he looked up at the sky, the blue blanketing him like it was a handmade quilt. in the first few weeks, fundy wasn't sure how to mourn. he wasn't as sad as tommy, but he didn't ignore it like wilbur. he understood that tubbo was gone, but that didn't mean his life had to be sad.

it was only sad moments, right? fundy of course, still mourned his dead friend. he often sat in their garden, without anyone there. memories flooded back.

picnics, stargazing, tears. all of those were at this place. whenever wilbur would have a breakdown because of the war. whenever tubbo would plan a picnic, or just when tommy wanted to watch the sunset. so many things happened in this garden, yet no one visited as often but him.

why? why only him; why was he the only one who enjoyed the happy memories and bathed in the nostalgia; breathing in the sweet scent of old familial happiness… not eternal darkness.

he got off the piano and looked at a tree, carved out in tommy's sloppy handwriting.

"tommy was here!" was engraved with a pocket knife. fundy traced it with his finger.

under it was fundy's neater handwriting. "fundy too!"

in wilbur's handwriting "and wilbur."

"eret."

and under it all was a small "& tubbo! <3"

techno and phil didn't know tubbo well. they knew that they were tommy's best friend, but that's all. when they heard of the boy's passing, they made sure to write condolences to tommy.

they didn't live in DreamSMP unlike tommy, so they couldn't be there for the funeral. but after the funeral, they tried to write to tommy. one letter their remembered in particular.

"hey tommy! how are you doing? techno and i miss you and wilbur a lot, i hope DreamSMP is doing well, we'll visit soon, one day i assume. i promise.

i'll never forget being with you at the end of summer, with your dreams of the future and big hopes. i remember you telling you that you were important; and that you'd do something great. i remember sitting in the august sun, watching the blue sky from above as you said you wanted to move to a new place with wilbur; i remember the pain it caused and how i said no at first before seeing the letter you wrote to tubbo, saying that your sorry you couldn't see him, and that… that's all you wanted. so i… i let you. and i remember when you left you were screaming "thank you" from the bottom of your heart. you kept saying farewell while smiling and holding back tears that threatened to leave you. 

techno's coming to visit. we miss you."

they never got a response after that.

against a patch of blue forget-me-nots, against the blue sky, they sat there, writing another note to tommy in hopes he'd reply. phil had better handwriting, so he was writing it.

"you haven't responded in a while, techno and i are worried sick. please respond, we'll have to send letters to wilbur because we don't know if you're getting these. are you okay?"

techno looked up, and closed his eyes. he hoped his brother was okay, even if he couldn't show it… "dad." techno muttered, looking to phil with a bit of hesitation. "i think i should head to l'manberg and check on tommy."

tommy looked up at the sunset. next to his best friend's ghost. maybe he would be okay. he felt his hand intertwine with tubbo's before smiling and laughing for the first time in a long while. he wasn't going to be sad anymore.

"i'll never forget being with you at the end of summer, remember tubbo? i wrote to you from my home. i kept telling you i wanted to move to the dream smp and you said we should together…" he said, laying his head down on his best friend's shoulder.

"i have a dream, tubbo… that we can live together without worry… so why don't we talk to wilbur today? about… your whole ghost… thing?" tommy asked, his ghost friend nodding.

"i like that idea!"

tommy decided that today they'd talk to wilbur about it. tubbo was hesitant, to say the least. he did not seem... happy to say the least. the same day, in the morning, wilbur yelled at tommy for being such a slump, and tommy knew that it was true. he's been a slump, but not anymore. he looked up at the sunny sky, clouds like a quilted blanket sewn by a mother. he closed his eyes, before feeling tubbo's hand on his shoulder.

"so we're going to talk to wilbur?"

"of course, bitchboy! he's being a dumbass and literally ignoring the paranormal!" tommy loudly announced, before stomping over to wilbur's office, and stopping at the door. "can you... uhm-" tommy coughed, trying to say this without looking like a pussy, tommy wasn't good at asking people for... affection. but he knew tubbo wouldn't judge, so he asked "can you hold my hand, just to know that you're there?"

"yeah!" tubbo said, gently intertwining fingers, holding hands with a ghost was weird, but tommy smiled, before walking inside the office, pushing the dark oak doors open.

wilbur noticed that tommy was not sad or grim like he usually was, instead a smile was plastered on his face. wilbur raised an eyebrow, his dark brown eyes darted to tommy's blue eyes.

"so, tommy- i assume you've moved on?" wilbur asked, as tommy shook his head.

"remember this morning?" wilbur nodded, feeling dread build in his heart, before tommy continued. "how the jukebox just fucking like- started to play music? i told you that ghosts do exist, you don't believe me though, do you?"

wilbur put his fingers on his temple, looking down and sighing. "we've been over this tommy, there aren't any ghosts. tubbo's dead, he's been dead for months, we need to just move on, wilbur." he muttered, looking at the parchment in front of him. tubbo's neat handwriting was there, taunting him.

"just look, okay?" tommy reasoned, as he signaled tubbo to go and do their little magic act. an enderchest lied in the corner of the room, so tubbo opened it.

wilbur watched as the enderchest opened, and a music disc and jukebox came out. tubbo placed the jukebox down and then played music. wilbur's mind was spinning, "what the fuck?" wilbur muttered, his dark brows furrowing. "you're fucking with me, right? tommy, is this a fucking joke?"

"no, no! it isn't, wilbur. it really isn't.. there's a fucking ghost, man!" tommy yelled at wilbur; his blue eyes staring at wilbur's brown eyes.

"okay, stay calm, so you're telling me tubbo is a ghost, and you can see him, right?" tommy nodded, before wilbur continued. "what type of witchcraft did you have to do? what crimes did you commit? did you somehow get ahold of a fucking ouiji board???"

"what the fuck? no! last night he just appeared and has been here since!" tommy explained, his head starting to hurt. why did... tubbo only appear last night? tubbo sat there, his hands in his pockets, his green shirt still buttoned wrong. tubbo gave a grin at tommy, before tommy continued speaking. "i don't know why last night he appeared though."

"listen tommy, your magic trick is cool, but.. that's not enough to prove it. give me more, tommy. i have so much to do, i don't have time." tommy looked to the corner of the room, where tubbo sat.

"tell wilbur i miss him! tell wilbur that i do see his guilt, i even see him cry at night— and that im sorry for never telling him that it isn't his fault i died." tubbo whispered, as tommy nodded.

"tubbo says he misses you, and he sees you cry. he says its not your fault.. and... he's sorry." tommy says, solemnly. wilbur feels his heart sink, as he looks over to where tubbo was supposed to be and tear up.

"if this is a joke tommy— it's a really f-fucked up one." wilbur mutters, as he closes his eyes and puts his head in his calloused hands. tubbo stands up from where he was, and hugs wilbur from behind.

wilbur feels some presence, looks up, and sees tommy. tommy smiles, as the brunette looks behind him and sees a face he never thought he would.

"t-tubbo?"

"hey wilbur." tubbo says, holding wilbur's hands in his own. "i missed you, man."

"w-wait, you're telling me- that... you're actually-"

"a ghost?" tommy finishes the sentence. "i told you i wasn't lying!" he says, a cocky grin on his face.

tubbo quickly shoots wilbur a familiar smile, before he gives wilbur another hug. wilbur, in shock, doesn't hug back, as wilbur feels his eyes start to tear up. the stinging hurts his eyes, but he starts to full on sob. "i-im sorry for not being there for you, tubbo."

"i forgive you." tubbo whispers, as wilbur hugs back, repeating "im sorry" over and over, as if the guilt that he felt disappeared, like a weight was off his shoulders. his grip was deadly to anyone who wasn't already dead. tommy smiles at the both, as tubbo ushers tommy to join.

the three soldiers have a long awaited group hug, as wilbur sobs into tommy's shoulders. the embrace is sweet, and it was needed by the trio.

"tommy..." wilbur finally says, "would you like to run as vice president with me?" wilbur turns to tubbo. "and do you want to help?"

tommy looks at tubbo, and they both nod.

looks like things won't be too bad anymore.

wilbur knew that he wasn't alone anymore.

he walked out of his office, and saw the bright blue sky above him, shining beautifully. he catches the blue of tommy's flower in his hair, just like the forget-me-nots niki grew.

he wasn't alone anymore. and he had an election to run. he sees the boys hold hands, and smiles.

his boys are back. his two boys; he needed to tell phil this.

the boys headed home, and headed to bed that night. tubbo hummed a tune, one his father used to sing to him. he didn't remember his dad; he was told he was found in a box and ended up in an orphanage, but he remembered the tune. he kept humming as he tidied up tommy's home. tubbo had trouble sleeping since becoming a ghost- probably because you don't feel anything. not hungry, not sleepy, not even fatigue. just a content feeling. tubbo started to hum again, picking up some clothes, as he saw something fall out of tommy's pocket. he picked it up, as he studied the small paper. it was a photograph, of the two boys. tubbo brushed his fingers against the damaged picture, his smile as big as humanly possible.

they were so happy.

they were a family.

tubbo was smiling as usual in the photo, tommy's arm was around the shorter boy as tommy had his eyes closed, laughing. tubbo smiled at the photo and quickly put it in an empty picture frame, feeling tears pricking at his eyes. the boy smiled, before going to pick up all the small knick knacks on the ground, like a rock or... a knife. tubbo picked up tommy's sword and hung it up, before tending to the vase of flowers, staring at the window's contents. he overlooked the dream SMP, invisible to everyone but wilbur and tommy.

it was lonely. tubbo didn't know why it felt so lonely- besides the fact that he was invisible. but besides the physical stuff- tubbo felt lonely mentally. like no one knew how difficult being a ghost was.

no

he heard tommy start to groan and stir in his sleep, meaning that tommy would wake up soon. "shit, i need to speedrun this." tubbo picked up the papers on the ground, putting it on the crafting table neatly, as he heard a knock on the door. tubbo opened it, knowing it was wilbur. the brunette smiled at the general, before tommy groggily awoke.

"ughh, im gonna start stabbing shit, you woke me up so fuckin early." he muttered, rubbing his blue eyes. wilbur smiled, before putting his hand on tommy's shoulder.

"today is the day we announce the fact we are running for president. no one else will run, so we'll win." wilbur nodded, before looking to tubbo. "and tubbo is basically infinitely invisible, so we can use that to our advantage."

tubbo nodded, happy to be back doing shenanigans with the boys. tommy grinned happily, as he quickly started to write down the plans wilbur had.

tubbo sat on the jukebox, his grin contagious, as he gave a few ideas here and there.

how those times seemed easier.

the election came and went; and it wasn't bad at all. there wasn't much to say; tubbo didn't remember it. he remembered being ignored.. and being asleep… and being… lonely. that's all he remembered.

but as jschlatt announced his victory, something did hit tubbo's heart a bit.

"you know, these two men that we're running for president? cheap, they treat their friends as pawns. what about that sweet little tubbo lad? i've heard of him and I've seen him; and i love him. i never met him, but i love him already. and what is he?! dead. they killed an innocent boy! and you know what, i say we exile those murderers." they started to run. tubbo quickly darted the other direction, wanting to pack up tommy's and wilbur's stuff before leaving. he headed to the embassy, not exhausted at all— since ghosts... can't get tired.

he grabbed one of tommy's sacks, and quickly packed just about everything tommy would need, like the premium bonds, and an enderchest. he quickly took a jukebox, as well as the bench they sat on. he heard footsteps, as eret stood there.

"what the fuck?" eret asked, confused. all he saw was hovering objects, tubbo, unsure what to do, grabbed a book and quill and wrote "tubbo"

"wait? you're telling me that..." eret, who's heard his fair share of those ghost stories made it out quickly. "ghosts?"

tubbo wrote down "yes." before walking out the door with tommy's stuff.

"wait... tubbo?" eret grabbed tubbo's shoulder, as the small boy flinched.

"you- can see me?"

"y-yeah, man." eret said, hiding his tears. "i- i am so sorry.. i didn't want anyone to-"

"to die?"

"yeah." eret wiped some tears away, before taking off his crown. "take this, tubbo."

"thank you, eret."

"you're welcome."

tubbo walked away, as eret smiled, looking at his surrogate little brother. "wait come back." eret whispered as tubbo looked to his friend with a raised eyebrow.

"come here." he said, as tubbo walked to him. "im sorry, tubbo. im so so sorry. i never wanted you to get hurt, i never thought it through. i just wanted to see you happy. i wanted to see you smile again! and i didn't even know that's all I wanted!" he screamed, as tubbo held on tight to eret. "i just want you to know that I'm a big idiot and im always here for you."

tubbo nodded. "i forgive you."

after that… well he didn't find much meaning in his days, since he was well— a ghost. so much has happened, technoblade, jschlatt, elections. most of tubbo's memories were filled with days of just watching others do things. he couldn't care less to be honest, he started wearing erets crown when no one was around because he knows that everyone's moved on.

maybe except eret.

never participating himself. he missed the feeling of pain, hunger, he missed eating food, he missed being punched, he missed being seen. now yes, wilbur, tommy, eret, they could see the brunette. but no.

everyone's moved on.

maybe except eret.

but that was three people. karl? jack? techno? the latter was told of the ghost, but didn't believe it. since techno was a skeptic at heart; techno just called them crazy and moved on.

everyone's moved on.

maybe except niki.

tommy barely spoke to tubbo, as he was always busy doing something. "sorry, can't talk, gotta help wilbur." or "burn shit." or "stab shit." it was usually violent. so tubbo sat there, his brown hair in his eyes, trying not to cry. he was so excited to see tommy again, but the blonde seemed like he didn't care.

no one cared.

everyone's moved on.

maybe except jschlatt— and that guy never even met the young teen.

wilbur didn't talk to tubbo either, since wilbur was usually making battle plans or something. which meant that tubbo had lots of alone time. the ghost often sat down, just staring and watching people. a hundred years, it felt like, each day felt like a hundred years. but to wilbur it felt like each day flashed.

everyone's moved on.

maybe except… his family.

the truth and justice that tubbo fought for felt silly. why did tubbo even try to save l'manberg's prized possessions when everyone's moved one. the world already had his soul, why did it need his feelings? god, tubbo was becoming cynical. tubbo laid down, whenever he felt like this, tubbo would cause chaos with the other smp members just to past the time. but no one saw him.

everyone's moved on.

everyone but three.

it felt as if people left him there, people left him behind. nothing he said made anyone look his way- nothing he said made anyone give him a hug, or pay attention to him. tubbo couldn't just say "pay attention to me!!" because they were too busy, and he wasn't important.

everyone's moved on.

everyone but them.

tubbo clutched the crown eret gave him, feeling tears prick at his eyes. tubbo wanted to talk to someone who cared. tubbo wanted to talk to eret, niki and meet schlatt for once.

everyone's moved on.

but eret hasn't. as the brunette started to the pogtopia doors, he spotted tommy, techno and wilbur. no one cared about tubbo, the fourth wheel. he turned away, walking towards manberg. he went past everything he knew, like his burnt home, his dead bees. its funny, so many memories in a single walk. he remembered all the laughs with tommy, or wilbur saying how proud he was. he remembered the smile tommy gave when the blonde finally saw the ghostly figure of his best friend. the hug that wilbur gave him, the tears eret shed. but no.

everyone's moved on.

the more he repeated the phrase, the worse it felt. "moving on" seemed so positive, when all you wanted was someone to see you. he headed to eret's castle and saw the king tidying up his chests.

everyone's moved on.

"eret?" tubbo asked, his brown eyes started to tear up again. he opened the door quietly, the creaking and silence of footsteps filled the room.

"tubbo! my man! im so happy to see-" eret looked at the younger boy and felt his heart shatter. he's never seen anyone so broken, so sad- shattered. "t-tubbo?"

"eret?" tubbo repeated, as he ran to eret and gave him a hug. "eret, eret! please!" he begged, tears falling down his cheeks. he clutched the taller boy like if he didn't, he would fall. "please- please! please!" he screamed over and over. "please- please.. don't.. forget me, like-" tubbo sniffled a bit "don't forget me like tommy did."

"wait? what happened?" eret said, clutching his little brother in his arms. "tell me, what's wrong?"

"everyone ignores me! no one cares about me! don't leave me here, don't please leave me behind! tommy never listens or talks to me anymore, wilbur acts like he has more important things to do! please eret, please." his voice cracked, as he started to whisper. "eret, you still care, right?"

"tubbo, you matter so much to me." eret got on his knees so he was face to face with the frail ghost. "i cried so much when i lost you, and i wish you visited me each day that you were in pogtopia. i always told niki how much i missed you, i told niki how you were a ghost, and i don't know if she believes me, i don't care! i won't leave you."

"thank you, eret." tubbo nodded, as he heard the door open. a single blonde woman appeared, as she gapsed, putting her hands over her mouth.

"tubbo?" niki cried, as she gave the boy a hug. "i knew it, i knew eret wasn't lying!" she said, yelling at this point. "god, i've heard so much about you! i... i-" she didn't know what to say. tubbo smiled, as he embraced the woman. 

"thank you for taking care of my grave."

"you're welcome."

the trio gave a hug, ten thousand years might've passed and they wouldn't stopped hugging, that was until they heard jschaltt's voice.

"why the fuck is there yelling? shut the fuck up!" jschlatt screamed, before "walking" away.

tubbo laughed, as niki and eret smiled lovingly.

they had their boy back.

not everyone's moved on.

"wilbur, wilbur holy shit! wheres tubbo?" tommy screamed, his voice cracking. he felt warm tears run down his face; grasping for something, anything, and ended up with his own hair.

"i- he could've just left! but why…?"

"wait, so you guys were serious about the ghosts? i thought that was a joke!"

"it's been two hours, wilbur! tubbo! tubbo please." tommy started to break down. "i should've asked him what was wrong- i should've-"

tubbo smiled, his brown eyes full of joy and wonder, sitting in the castle with eret and niki.

"so, this is niki. she's one of my friends! i told her about you being a ghost and she believed me, so i told her stories of you… like the time you guys fought dream and such." eret explained as niki smiled.

"i was told that you were sweet, kind, chaotic but all around a nice kid. and you know what?! i think that's true. im so happy i got to meet you! like, isn't that just amazing? sorry, im excited!"

"well, well, well..." jschlatt laughed. "if it isn't our resident dead man." a small smile crept onto his face, his horned shadow blocking the doorway.

"jschlatt can see me?!" tubbo gasped, as the goat man smiled. 

"ive been listening in on every conversation, niki has a voice recorder on her." niki quickly looked around.

"what the fuck?!" she exclaimed, as eret sat there listening, niki started to panic, "how did you?!"

"tell me tubbo." he sat down at a table, gesturing tubbo to join. he ignored niki's frantic swears and screams. tubbo did as asked. "do you hate pogtopia as much as i do?"

"why would i hate pogtopia?" he asked quietly, as eret looked over to him with fear and concern, taking off his sunglasses; his white empty eyes begging tubbo not to fall for his tricks. "i love tommy, and wilbur—"

"then why'd you leave, little one? tell me, tubbo. what was so bad that'd to leave your life behind and start anew?" jschlatt asked. 

"who said i'd never go back…?" tubbo asked, quizzically. 

"it's those eyes, little one. your eyes have the longing and suffering of one who wants to leave; ones who has suffered great harm." schlatt bluntly stated, his voice monotone and flat. "i can tell because you're so sweet looking, and sweet people like you are only harmed…" 

"...but tommy… he's my friend." 

"tommy didn't care about you. he cared about those discs. those discs? to him- it was worth more than you ever were. a human heart sells for like 5 grand, so it meant a lot to him." schlatt gave his laugh. "come with me for a while, i can show you the ropes on how to stand up for yourself. forget tommy for a while."

…tommy...tommy sat down in the ravine that he's seen thousands of times. pogtopia, the place where they were supposed to be happy. he sighed, putting his head in his hands, clutching his own hair, thinking of the friend he lost. he just got tubbo back, how did tommy not realize that tubbo was unhappy? why did everyone leave him behind? he should've realized; but tommy was so happy technoblade was here. but he neglected the friend he cared for most.

tommy choked out another sob, before feeling tears running down his cheeks. he's crying again, as tommy thought.

why did tubbo appear?

he thought of that day on the balcony, his hands interlocked with the ghost's fingers, the smiles, the laughs.

tommy remembered now. the day before, he swore he thought he saw tubbo's ghost. and then he started to believe. it can't be that cheesy? "if you believe that a ghost is there, you can see it." that's fucking- that's ridiculous.

but it made so much sense.

then it clicked. tubbo could only touch objects that belonged to the people who can see him. he could touch tommy's belongings, he could touch wilbur's stuff but not techno's… he was given what was taken. if that made sense. he was given things that only his believers could see… tubbo could do nothing…without tommy, and yet he ignored him.

that made so much sense. in a morbid twisted way.

tommy thought of being a ghost- it sounded lonely and pathetic... not being able to talk to others, not being able to be "important."

being neglected.

tommy couldn't believe it. he lost his only other friend, his only other brother. sometimes tommy swore that platonic soulmates existed because of the boy. each tear that tubbo shed tore tommy up inside, and it was all tommy's fault.

why did tommy live but tubbo die? why did tommy get to breathe, and laugh, and smile? why did tubbo, the sweetest, funniest, most kind person ever have to die? a thousand times, maybe more, tommy insulted tubbo, tommy told tubbo to go away.

and never realized how much the brunette meant.

if tommy could, he'd probably restart everything, he'd go back to the first day tommy saw tubbo; and tell tubbo how much he loved him. if he could, he'd restart time, and if he could, he'd tell tubbo that everything's going to be okay.

if he could, he'd tell tubbo that he's sorry.

he'd suffer, but it's worth his entire life and it would be worth barely getting by and it'd worth putting up a fight… if tubbo were to smile again. if he would say he's happy again…god. what has tommy done?

tommy sat staring at the sunset by himself. he thought of that day, the happiness in tubbo's voice.

the happiness that tommy felt.

gone.

in one day.

the happiness that tommy had.

gone.

in one day.

everything tommy had.

gone.

and it was all his fault.

he lost him. over and over and over and-

tubbo closed his eyes, as niki's eyes started to tear up. jschlatt offered tubbo to join him— he didn't know what to do.

"tubbo, ive heard about what tommy's done- ignored his own dead friend? that's fucking pathetic and terrible. you deserve better." jschlatt gave a grin, flashing his white teeth. "join us, tubbo. you hate them as much as we do." jschlatt put his hand out, as he looked behind him.

eret was shaking his head no, as niki started to scream. "don't! don't do it, tubbo! don't do it, tubbo! we love you, eret, me, im sure tommy and wilbur do too! don't do it! we can-"

niki felt her heart break as tubbo took jschlatt's hand with a frown. jschlatt smiled, his horns making him look terrifying. "niki, oh niki, our least favorite member of manberg... take her away, eret. send her to jail. i need to talk to our newest member." jschlatt gave tubbo a genuine smile. "im proud of you."

tubbo smiled, his cheeks turning red. he hasn't been told that in so long. "thank you, schlatt." he said, his bright smile just slightly making schlatt feel bad. what an innocent boy. "i haven't heard that in a while.."

"did wilbur ever tell you that?" he asked.

"oh, no no. wilbur liked tommy more."

"well i like you more than tommy. you know, the quieter one is usually the smarter and better one; the arrogant one's hubris is their downfall. anyways, can ghosts change clothes?" tubbo nodded his head, as schlatt smiled. "tell me, have you ever wanted a suit?"

tubbo asked "like the ones you have?"

"yeah, we have one tailor made for you!"

"that sounds wonderful, schlatt."

schlatt led tubbo down the path, as he heard niki's screams and begs behind them. tubbo didn't even look back. "so, tubbo. how do ghosts work?"

"once someone believes that ghosts are real, they see me? that's really it, i guess.. and i can touch objects that are owned by people who can see me. so i can touch niki's stuff, but not technoblade's." jschlatt put his fingers to his chin, thinking.

"interesting. take my hand tubbo, we have lots to talk about."

tubbo put his hand's in jschlatt's, smiling the biggest smile for the first time in a long while.

"tell me about yourself; what's your parents like?" 

"i never met them. in fact; my dad left me in a box, or so I'm told. he… he left me a stuffed bee and told the orphanage woman that i was named tubbo."

"what happened to the bee?" 

"tommy and i got into an argument and he accidentally tore it up with his sword. he was flinging it around. i miss my dad… whoever he was." he whispered.

"tubbo." schlatt said, his legs stopping, his eyes firm and his smile bright. "can i tell you a story, here." schlatt said, sitting down at a bench. sundown along the smp shone like a fireplace, it was beautiful.

tubbo sat down.

"there was a dad. he had.. a kid. the kid was sweet and he loved him with every bone in his body. the kid loved bees and flowers and things that are pretty girly, but the dad loved him for who he was. but the father? he was poor; he barely ate. one night… the dad… he got angry at the boy when he ate all the food in the house. he lashed out! screamed even. and he felt so so bad. the next day, he left him at an orphanage because he knew he'd only watch his son get hurt. that man made a promise to one day find his son again and apologize." schlatt said, his breath full of whiskey and cigarettes. "do you understand, tubbo?"

"...dad?"

"son." schlatt said, looking at his boy.

"ive never called anyone dad…" he whispered. "i never even… had a parental figure.. and you come back into my life? and—"

"you don't need to forgive me. just know, im sorry. i regret ever giving you away, but it was for your own good. i love you, and i… i was scared. you know? i was angry and i almost hurt you that day. if i ever hurt you i wouldn't have even looked myself in the mirror with hate and loathing." he looked at tubbo, his eyes full of regret. "i hate myself for that, that's why i drink everyday, that's why i pretend im never hurt. because i'm a failure father who missed out on my son's life because i was selfish and scared! im so sorry—" he repeated. "im sorry. im sorry." 

tubbo gave him a hug. 

"i love you dad."

as jschlatt heard those words for the first time, he felt a softness in his heart. "...you… love… me?" he whispered, his tears stopping. he hugged back his son.

"eret, you don't want to do this, do you? you know tubbo- he's so naive!" niki screamed, "you hate schlatt as much as i do!" she put her hands around the iron bars. "why don't you fight back?"

"i-i don't know, i don't want to see tubbo hurt, but i don't want another war. i rather work in the shadows than get wrapped up in-" eret took a deep breath, taking off his glasses. "i don't want to fight anymore."

"i don't either! but we have to!"

"you weren't here for the last war!" eret yelled back, "you didn't see the bloodshed i caused!"

"you can get redeemed! it wasn't your fault tubbo died!" niki cried, as she took eret's hand through the bars. "you didn't know he'd die- you didn't know that!"

"i betrayed l'manberg and i killed a sixteen year old boy! i don't want to fight anymore." eret started to cry, his deep voice monotone expression cracking. "i don't want to fight anymore..." he whispered, as he clutched niki's hand.

niki smiled, as she looked him in the eyes. "you don't have to, working in the shadows is okay. but don't let tubbo get manipulated by that goat."

"i won't." eret said, as he walked away. "i need to find tubbo.

it became fall. as the autumn leaves fell through the cold, breezing air, a soft gentle hum came from two people. there was a father and a son. two of the same bloodline. a ghost and a father.

if you were to describe schlatt, soft, kind and gentle were not on that list. perhaps brash, cruel or even unkind. never a family man, yet on the evening of october, here he was, sitting at a field next to his ghostly sun against the horizon's falsefied sunset. he wore not a suit but a white shirt, like those of pirates. tubbo wore his signature dark green shirt. the two just watched quietly as blocks played quietly against the hum of the wind. 

a small smile grew on tubbo's face, the feeling of home so forgeign and yet very comforting. he looked to his father, a smile on his face. he loved this; the idea of home. the idea of being seen.

a few days later, schlatt made a decision.

"manberg citizens!" jschlatt started, his new presidential speech. "im proud to say that we are growing amazingly. the walls are down, we are starting to conquer new lands. and best of all." he looked down at his citizens. "we have a secret weapon. the weapon is right here. hidden in plain sight." jschlatt looked to eret, a smile plastered on his face.

eret looked around, catching a glimpse of something on the burnt down stage; tubbo. a ghostly spirit, stood next to schlatt. tubbo's old demeanor, one of fear and anxiety was replaced with a confident smile and a laugh. jschlatt looked to tubbo, his new protegé, dressed in a suit with a green tie, and a dark atmosphere filled the sky.

"would you believe me if i said ghosts were real?" he looked to jack manifold.

"no!" jack yelled, as jschlatt smiled.

"im sure you've heard stories of tubbo, right? the boy who died in the war for-" jschlatt said the next word with digust. "l'manberg?"

he saw george akwardly shuffle in place, the topic of tubbo was just too much.

"well, what if i told you he's right here, haunting us? what if i told you that-" jschlatt stopped for suspense and drama.

"what if i told you that he's right here, and if you believe in it, you can see him."

quackity laughed, "ha, funny joke, schlatt. you good man?"

jschlatt looked over to quackity, who was promptly kicked by tubbo, quackity fell onto the ground, as he coughed. "what the fuck?!" quackity yelled, as he saw it.

a ghost.

and he wasn't the only one.

tubbo was seen by everyone now.

he wouldn't be ignored anymore.

"tell me, manberg. how does war against pogtopia sound?"

war, war was painful. tubbo's learnt that the hard way, since he died in one. though he thought that was obvious. it's been three months that he hasn't seen tommy, and it's been two and a half months that he's worked with jschlatt. they haven't quite waged war on pogtopia yet, but they are preparing.

eret felt guilty about this all.

he promised niki that he would convince the boy that jschlatt was using it, but everytime that he saw tubbo smile, in the most genuine way, he felt terrible. who was eret to take away this boy's new family?

tubbo knew that jschlatt liked him, why else would schlatt treat him like a son? that was the thing. with wilbur, and tubbo was that "cousin" or "friend" of wilbur's favorite, tommy. hell, tubbo sometimes thought that wilbur preferred tommy to his own son. and that was pathetic. it was like a family with jschlatt.

tubbo was jschlatt's son, quackity was the uncle, george was the oldest and fundy was the youngest. it was like a family.

as tubbo sat down on his bed, he heard jschlatt go to sleep, but first he heard his room door open. schlatt smiled, there's been lots of smiling lately. "tubbo? are you there?"

tubbo peeped out a small "yes." as schlatt sat down on his bed.

"how has it been? with me, i mean. you remind me of me when i was younger."

"why?"

"i had a friend, he was older than me; back then i was shy, hurt, and scared." schlatt laughed. "it's like it's a storytime for you. why don't you lay down as i tell this story?"

tubbo nodded, laying down in jschlatt's lap. "okay, okay, so i was like you when i was younger. full of anxiety, fear, and i was scared. i had a friend, he was like tommy. brave, loud, and arrogant. full of hubris. we spent everyday together, he protected me from the harsh world. we were in a orphanage together; him and i; we were like two peas in a pod." jschlatt put his hand on tubbo's hair. "but one day, he met someone new."

"who?" tubbo asked groggily. you know, ever since more people have seen him, he felt more and more tired as of late, unlike before where he never felt sleepy.

"it was a man by the name of phil. phil took him in." schlatt's voice broke for a second. "and left me behind. i was full of dread, tears and lots and lots of hate. but i took that hate, and i finally got revenge."

"who was your friend?"

"wilbur. wilbur and i grew up together."

"and he left you behind." tubbo whispered, as schlatt frowned. "left you behind just like tommy did." tubbo understood this, as wilbur did the same to tubbo as well.

the goat nodded, as a slight scowl grew on his face. "i know what it feels like to be hurt, tubbo. i was too. and that's why i took you in." schlatt muttered. "and i will protect you with my goddamn life if that means that wilbur soot will suffer. and you are safe."

"m' sleepy, schlatt. thank you, though."

"tommorow we'll some something fun, for now, go to sleep, alright?"

"okay."

tubbo started to sleep, as schlatt smiled, putting his head against the wall and dozing off himself. he had his son back.

three months without tubbo. three months without him, tommy's gone three months without his best friend. and wilbur was sick of it.

"wil..." tommy groaned, as wilbur opened the door, slamming it. "five more minutes." tommy turned his back away from the bright lights, as wilbur shook his head.

"wake up, tommy, it's nearly one in the afternoon and dream wants to talk to us."

"dream?!" tommy exclaimed, his voice cracking in sleepiness and confusion. "w-why?"

"im not sure, but we need to be careful. he might be on our side. tommy, we are small. we are weak. we need help." wilbur explained, looking down in almost embarassment. "i don't want dream on our side either. but we need this."

"m'kay, wilbur. i trust you." tommy nodded, standing up and heading out the door of his room. "i trust you."

"but dream did say we are allowed on his side. we're allowed on the smp." wilbur noted, getting some things out of the chest. "i thought that we could visit the smp and see what stuff we need."

"sounds like a plan, big man. maybe... we'll find tubbo."

"i hope so."

jschlatt awoke in tubbo's room, a smile plastered on his face. "alright, tubbo, wake up." jschlatt shook the boy, as tubbo slowly opened his eyes, eyelashes fluttering as a small groan emitted from the boy's throat.

"ughh, what time is it?"

"time for you to wake up, i have a big day planned." jschlatt looked over to the window and stood up. "listen, tubbo. do you like fire?"

"depends. what about it?"

"we've burnt down the flag, right? it's only natural that..." tubbo listened to jschlatt attentively. "we burn down their stupid little dirt van." he said the last two words with poison and anger. "you can do that, you're my right hand man, of course."

tubbo stopped for a second, his eyes watering. holy shit... holy shit... he didn't want to cry in front of schlatt.  
"yes schlatt, i can." he said, eventually.

"perfect! we can do that right away. let's have another... speech for this, huh?"

tommy stood at the path that he once knew. memories came flooding back. he looked over. the bench. the bench was gone, right. but he could imagine it there, as he remembered all the little things he did with tubbo there.

memories.

"you and me; it's always been us." tommy smiled, as he shuffled in his seats. "am i wrong?"

"it's always been you and me, big man." tubbo repeated, his dark eyes darting from side to side. "why'd you ask me to meet me here?"

"well, uhm; if this war... doesn't go as planned, i just wanted to give you this." he handed tubbo a bee pin. "it's nothing really, but it's something, i hope. it's also an apology; you know… for destroying your bee stuffie?"

"i love it!" tubbo exclaimed, his arms wrapped around tommy's in a hug.

"don't let this get to your head, bitch." tommy said, "you're so fucking clingy." his arms wrapped around the small boy's body, as they held eahother for what seemed hours, which was only seconds.

"if you say so."

tommy moved his head away, as he looked over to his dirt shack. he laughed, remembering the time that tubbo blew up his house, smiling fondly at old memories.

this whole place was nostalgia lane.

he looked over the bridge, and caught a glimpse of l'manberg, wait. manberg. the walls were gone, the flag was replaced. and he sat down at the border. "schlatt really changed this, hasn't he?" wilbur put his hand on tommy's shoulder.

"yeah." tommy whispered, as he saw schlatt walk out of his house, flint and steel in his hand, a smile plastered on his disgusting face. he saw tubbo trail behind. "holy shit, schlatt, they kidnapped tubbo!" he screamed, as he tried to cross the border.

wilbur held tommy back. "wait."

schlatt handed the flint and steel to tubbo, as the ghost smiled.

"thanks, schlatt, no… dad." tubbo whispered, as he held the flint in steel in hand. schlatt headed up to the burnt down stage for another presidential speech.

"people of manberg, you disgusting, beautiful group of people. now, that gross dirt van has been sitting there, stinking up the place, right?" jschlatt started, taking the mic and pacing back and forth on the stage. "i thought that we should burn it, and this is a historic event! so i decided you all could witness it." jschlatt looked over to the dirt van. jack clapped excitedly, as eret looked down and niki started to yell.

"no! you can't do this!" she screamed, as jschlatt laughed.

"oh yes, i can. tubbo, my right hand man- my son." he looked over to the ghost. no, poltergeist. "do the honors, would you?"

tubbo nodded, as he started his way to the caravan, flint and steel in hand.

"wilbur?! the fuck! do you see this?" tommy yelled, as he looked at tubbo. he was sporting one of those suits that jschlatt wore, his hair was just as messy as before, but his general vibe was just... different.

before, tubbo looked frail and scared, soft and naive. someone that tommy had to protect, since tubbo has seen the worst of it all. if anything, tubbo's been hurt the most in the war. lost his bees, his home, everything. hurt by wilbur, and hurt by eret.

now, tubbo was happy, confident. stood up straight and had a brave smile. he looked like he'd murder anyone without hesitation, and without guilt. and it hurt so much. he's moved on, and now tommy was the one being ignored.

wilbur closed his eyes, looking away as he smelled the scent of fire.

the first flame ignited, as fire danced against the dirt van. the fire fought against the the solid dirt. the fire was cozy, as the flames transformed the ugly van into the most beautiful sight to behold. the once pale blue sky that everyone lived under was swallowed up by a dark spiral of smoke. a scent filled the air, as soot and smoke filled the senses. ash started to fall, as tubbo smiled at the arson.

smouldering, destructive fire caught the bottom of the van. fire flickered, flared, spat and danced into plumes of black grey smoke. choking clouds of noxious smoke consumed the van, as tommy looked at tubbo. tubbo was laughing, smiling and jschlatt patted tubbo on the back.

tommy looked over at the destruction. "no-" he whispered, as tubbo looked behind him and saw tommy.

tubbo's once confident face contorted into one of pain and sadness. "i-" tubbo started, as tommy looked at him with disgust.

"how could you?!" tommy yelled, as wilbur pulled tommy away from the scene. tubbo looked sad, almost. he hasn't seen the boy in months and this is what he's become? "what happened you you?!"

"things happen.. and-" tubbo choked on his words. "and-" niki stood up and ran over to wilbur, as she looked behind her and saw jschlatt scowling.

"take her, and leave. i don't want you to hurt my second in command anymore than you already have." he spat out the word "you" with so much anger, that wilbur felt almost guilty.

"please, take me with you. i don't recognize anyone here anymore! everyone's changed and-" niki started to tear up. "take me."

wilbur took niki's hand as they walked back to pogtopia. tubbo waved goodbye, with a frown. tommy looked back, as he felt terrible. it was his fault that his best friend became a pyromaniac. 

"wilbur?! why did they take tubbo?" tommy yelled, as wilbur looked away.

"jschlatt and i were friends. we- we fought the world. me and him, us against the world. you know? and then phil adopted me and-" wilbur looked at tommy. "i left jschlatt behind. all that resentment led to this... whole... issue. and it's all my fault." wilbur put his head in his hands. "i should've told you…"

tommy looked down. "and i left... tubbo behind." he admitted, punching the wall, blood trickling down the wall, against his pale fist. tommy started to sob, as niki held wilbur close.

"i was talking to tubbo for two weeks. he told me... about.. everything he felt. he felt like he was ignored, no one cared anymore. he felt dead." niki cried, as she looked over to techno, who watched everyone cry, confused as hell. "he told me…" she stopped. she didn't want to tell tommy about schlatt being his dad...

"uhm- so..." techno looked away, before starting talking again. "i don't know what happened, but.. eret said he'll work with us. to defeat jschlatt."

"we can't hurt, tubbo, right?!" tommy asked, as he looked in his enderchest and saw the same trinket he gave to tubbo months ago.

"we won't hurt him, tommy."

"promise?"

"promise."

tommy looked down, his bright eyes now full of dread and betrayal. in another world, in another reality, a seperate dimension, tommy and tubbo are alive. in another reality, tubbo and tommy are happy. in another reality, heartbreak and betrayal aren't the norm. but tommy didn't live in that reality.

tommy lived in the most unlucky one, the one where tubbo died. the one where tubbo comes back as a ghost. the one where jschlatt takes over. the one where he hurts tubbo in more ways than one.

tommy thought that things wouldn't be too tough, with knowing tubbo was a traitor. he knew that was a lie, though. things are tough, things sucked. but tommy was always an optimist. tommy didn't want to fight tubbo, that was for sure. but he felt like he fucked up so much that there's so other way. he looked at the little house that they once hugged at, he wiped away tears before clutching his sword and putting his armor on. he put on his hood, hiding his identity to all those who'd see him.

wilbur didn't know where he was, that was okay.

he wasn't expecting to go home anyways. a footstep echoed through the white house. he thought of those days with his best friend.

a small grin grew on his face. he thought of those days before jschlatt. tubbo used to be so very happy, he was.. an orphan; sure. but wasn't tommy his brother? he was gripping hid diamond sword so tightly that he thought his fist would explode.

what was going through his mind while he was doing this? he couldn't tell you. but he knew he wanted revenge; against schlatt that is. for taking away his best friend. his only friend. his only… best friend. as he went to the meeting room where he heard voices. he looked at the small opening in the door.

"dad!" tubbo smiled, a grin on his face. "dad dad dad!" 

jschlatt looked to tubbo, he was currently...cooking? cooking… food? "did you know that bees talk through dance?" he asked, as schlatt shook his head. blocks played from the nearby jukebox.

"yeah… uh so i didn't know how to ask but… uhm- i was gonna dance but that's just silly. did i have a mom?" tubbo asked.

"yeah… she was a nobody though, she ain't anything worth your time. in fact, she left me with you, she knew i had no money. but I wanted to make life good for you, so yeah."

"so… you're my mom and dad now?"

"...pfft. sure thing, bee."

...bee? tubbo had a nickname? BEE?! schlatt was his dad…? tommy put his hand over his mouth, falling backwards and looking around. no.

no. no. no. the man he hated… gave tubbo so much joy. the way he smiled used to be how tubbo smiled at tommy. tommy looked at his sword. he wouldn't ruin tubbo again. so he ran. he ran as fast as he could, out of the door, past the whitehouse area, through l'manberg, no… manberg, and past the hills, mountains, rivers, and—

black.

it was all black, no. it was white. tommy saw a glimpse of white. whatever afterlife— he was in it. he stood in an empty white room, he couldn't tell where the floor was or where the walls were, but he followed a red line.

"tommy? tommy, is it? a selfish, terrible boy. arrogant. loud mouthed. but made two selfless sacrifices…" the voice chuckled. "you're dead. you died. you died because you fell into a river and drowned, quite ironic. that's how tubbo died too, yet you didn't die a hero; you died a villain in most people's eyes. but yet… you were a hero. oh. before you go… you get one wish."

"what did tubbo ask for?"

"for one last chance. funny, because his father asked for the same thing. oh! you know schlatt's tubbo's dad? it's quite a marathon watching you guys! it's like a tv show that never ends! you're quite entertaining." the voice said again. "he wished for a second chance, this time he'd be rich. and he would be with his son. and that's where he is now. pfft."

"can i ask to rewind time to the day that he appeared in front of me?"

"ahh— this isn't anything new. sure." 

snap.

tommy opened his eyes. this was weird. this was... weird. he moved his hands, his legs, he touched where he was supposed to be stabbed. tommy was alive somehow. he put his hand above his head, as the sun shone in the holiday home. he was wearing the l'manberg uniform, the house was a mess, and the blanket was soaked with tears. he looked at his calendar. it was august 27th, the day he saw tubbo the first time, as a ghost that is. tommy smiled, as his mouth ran dry. it worked. his wish worked. excitement filled his thoughts, shaking his head. tubbo was probably watching him, which meant he had to act calm.

okay, okay, so this time he had to get it right. he quickly scribbled down what happened last time. "tubbo, i ignored him. jschlatt took him. tubbo betrayed us. murdered schlatt, died." in case he forgot what happened, for some reason that is. tommy headed to the door, he needed to plan this out right. he needed to remember. the first thing they did was tell wilbur. wilbur. wilbur... no. he wasn't telling wilbur about it. wilbur would freak out, tubbo would be sad, and he'd lose his best friend again.

he can't have that. he can't lose tubbo again. not after last time.

tubbo was probably watching him, that was for sure. but it wasn't until sundown that he'd see tubbo, so he had time. tommy had time.

very little time.

he quickly started picking alliums, knowing that tubbo liked the small purple flowers. his eyes adjusted to the sun, as the boy felt the bright light warm his body. he looked up at the gaps of sunlight between the leaves, the shadows like an unfinished puzzle. the blonde moved his hair out of his face, frowning. he had to get this right.

he had time.

very little time.

tommy sat there, on the bench in his holiday home. he built that after the railway wars. he felt tubbo's presence. he felt tubbo's hand on his as he listened to Mellohi one last time. after fighting dream with jack to get the disc back.

"hey, toby. you there?" tommy whispered, his voice cracking. "it would be nice.. to have any sign. maybe-- maybe move something? stop the jukebox? maybe you're a ghost. im grasping at straws here."

"im still here... tommy." tubbo whispered, as tubbo tried to touch the jukebox. the music stopped. "wait- i can touch... the jukebox?" he whispered, as he saw tommy's face go from horror to shock in milliseconds.

"if you're here- do that... again?" tommy asked, as he watched the jukebox's button press, and turned on. "holy shit- you're a ghost." he whispered, blinking. he looked over to the side and saw something. a face he thought he'd never see before.

"tubbo?" he said from memory.

"tommy?"

"are you there?"

he felt tommy touch toby's ghostly apparition. it was cold, but in an empty, not sad way. tommy smiled, his blue eyes now back with the passion and friendship he once saw.

"i missed you."

that was last time. this time he had to word things correctly, he had to act confused, but also keep control of the conversation. no one could ever know. no one could ever know. no one could ever know.

no one would know the pain tommy dealt with those days.

if they knew they'd tell tommy to get therapy. if they knew, they'd call tommy crazy. if they knew they'd never believe it.

but it was real. he knew it.

he quickly remembered each action, each variable. he had to correct it. the conversation with tubbo was okay. but he should probably shorten it. save time. maybe he shouldn't sleep. maybe he should cuddle with tubbo for longer. don't tell wilbur. he- he could fix the election! he could... he could actually fix the election. he could just not let jschlatt run.

he could become vice president.

schlatt could be thrown to jail for his crimes. schlatt could... could leave tubbo alone. he remembered each moment with his ghostly friend and smiled fondly. god, he's gone crazy, hasn't he?

tommy sat at the holiday home, sundown once more. he could do this. he could do this. a happy ending was near. a happy ending is possible.

toby could be happy.

"t-tubbo?" the blonde stuttered, his voice shaking and trembling.

shit he was overdoing it now.

"t-tommy? you can see me?!" toby cried, throwing himself at the blonde. now this... this was different. he was embraced in a hug.

holy shit. he started to cry. not because he was shocked, but because he had another chance. tommy closed his eyes, holding the brunette in his arms. he smiled, setting his head on tubbo's shoulder. it was just quiet agreement that they needed each other, and didn't let go.

'i'd do anything for you. i'll rewind, i'll rewind as many times as it takes until things are right. until you're happy. until we're happy, tubbo.' tommy thought, cherishing this moment once again.

again. again. over and over.

tubbo and tommy spent all their time together, even if his body hurt, even if tommy couldn't keep running as fast as the ghost, he kept playing, talking, watching. they did everything together.

even if it hurt tommy. but he didn't matter. only that he got it right. wilbur needed to be happy, tommy needed to see tubbo be happy, everyone.

everyone needed to be happy. and tommy could make that happen.

the election started up. jschlatt tried to run. tommy didn't let him. schlatt got angry, threatened wilbur's life, ended up having to duel jschlatt. tl;dr: tommy fucked up.

he ended up in another duel. again.

the arrow punctured his heart. it hurt, he wouldn't last long.

tommy held his hand out, reaching for tubbo's ghost. blood trickled down his arm, as tubbo screamed.

it was a mistake to duel jschlatt.

"hey tubbo, see you next time?"

"next time?! what are you talking about tommy?!"

"haha. next time, you know?!" tommy swallowed the blood that was threatening to come out of his mouth. blood tasted disgusting.

"i don't understand!" tubbo cried, his dark eyes full of tears. "tommy, please! stay there, you're gonna die!"

"don't be angry at schlatt, okay? he's your dad... after...all." tommy laughed sadistically, before closing his eyes, the sound of screams filling his senses.

\---

"died again? tommy, this is your second attempt. how did you do this?"

"i don't know, whatever god you are. let's do it again."

"good luck." tommy felt his body start to hurt, as he started to cough. shit. it hurt so much.

this time, he kept going. they won the election, yet jschlatt and dream teamed up and murdered them all. and this time… tubbo found out about schlatt being his dad… and died at his own friend's hand.

and he tried again. past dream and jschlatt blowing up l'manberg, they ended up at technoblade's rebellion. and died to techno's hands.

not to mention each timeline where wilbur killed everyone, where phil showed up. where dream became his friend. each exile, each time jschlatt became his friend, each time DREAM manipulated him.

he's seen it all. he's done it all. there was no more canon, just each alternate timeline. sometimes he'd end up in a nuclear apocalypse or a coffee shop highschool cliche. he even saw nightmares of dream and george dating. disgusting, he thought.

because none of it was what he wanted. a car crash, a punctured lung, being eaten by a dog. getting rabies; he's died every single way.

and yet he never got it right. what was with that? what's with the universe and the massive "fuck you" the world gave him? what was with the world and saying tommy didn't deserve a happy ending?

and yet.

tommy woke up. august 27th. again. again. again.

this time. this time he'd do it right, he kept thinking but…

500 restarts. 500 redos. 500 different times he's lived the same year. 500 different times he's watched tubbo cry; each time he watched himself or someone he loved die. 

sometim

the same ending.

death.

death awaited everyone at the end of the tunnel.

tommy awoke, his unhappiness filling the atmosphere. it was white again, white surrounded him, a quiet and very empty white. the purest shade of what you'd think heaven would be, and yet tommy didn't flinch at all. he stood up, his long legs extending, his blonde hair falling into his eyes. his dried hands fell to his sides as he looked at his familiar surroundings. the young soldier quietly hummed as his footsteps echoed against the white floor. he looked as his feet moved, one foot against the other. he looked up, his breath wavering as he saw the empty throne.

"may i restart again, dear friend?" tommy asked, like routine he waited for the mysterious voice to let him go.

he heard a sigh. "you see tommy. i've been around for trillions of years; i've seen things you can't even imagine. i've seen wars far beyond your understanding with more casualties than your own earth's population. i've watched the fallout of nuclear battles; i have murdered more men than i can count with my infinite fingers and i know i will count more. the innocent, the innocent have been trod and beaten and gassed and starved and burnt and drowned. i have seen more things than you can count. i have watched everything you love die time and again, i have watched you do every single attempt. every timeline, every choice. you have a one in infinity chance of winning this game. i have heard wishes. wishes of riches and death and pain and i have dealt with loopers like you. but they've succeeded, and yet you have not. i've yet to wonder; perhaps it's not ever meant to be. as of late i've been thinking after all, of you to be exact." the voice laughed.

he heard a chuckle this time. "you're the most long looper as of yet. i can't tell if you're determined or outright stupid. you could've wished for tubbo to never die and yet you ask for a restart instead of a happy end. why is that?"

tommy gulped. "i- i didn't think of it. i didn't- can i wish for that?"

he heard a laugh. "no. it's too late for that, i have an idea. i'm sending you and your friends to a universe where no one died; yet that also means that there's no more of your silly l'manberg; no more of your silly wars and instead you're in the woods with your loving little tubbo. if you can find your way home, you can live the life you wish."

tommy felt his body shake as he smiled. "that's it? that's all i need to do?" he cocked his head, looking at his dried hands with dirt caked onto it. "i could go home?"

"i may be old but i have mercy on pathetic souls like you." the voice laughed. "if you don't get home, if you die, you'll be forced to watch a life you wished you had. you'll be forced to watch a perfect life; yet it won't be yours but a different tommy. one that doesn't have your flaws." the voice gave a malicious smile; if that was possible.

"what...?" tommy asked, shock filling his voice, his hands shooting to over his mouth. his thoughts moved quicker than he could; "should i? i could take that risk, i could lose it all though. how hard could it be to not die?"

"this world is not one with logic; you won't know what each turn of the forest will lead. do you wish to take that risk, tommy of l'manberg? a young soldier; compulsive and and yet still trying; would you like to go into the unknown?"

"yes." tommy whispered, holding out his hand. he shook the voice's hand, his own breath wavering as everything turned black.

"i do hope you're ready for the loudest silence; the most cruel mercy and the lightest dark thou hast seen." tommy closed his eyes, letting out one final breath before—

—  
led through the dark, the light milk of the moon, a stone to be revealed; and though the dreams may drown out the pain, reality comes back like a cruel game. a lonely cruel truth.  
—

"tommy! tommy...?" a small voice whispered, shaking the boy quietly. "wake up! wake up!" the voice ushered as tommy blinked twice, the smell of petrichor filled his nostrils. small shimmers of light shone through the forestry's gentle gaps as the sun warmed his body, he felt a small leaf on his nose. "pfft, tommy." the small brunette quietly laughed before taking tommy's hand.

"come on, get up. we are to be home before sundown if we wish to delay the wrath of father." the third boy said, as the oldest came into sight. tommy heaved himself up, looking at his attire. he wore a set of red overalls over a white shirt, socks over black boots and his brown newsboy cap on his head. tommy looked at his brother, a white shirt as well but with green overalls. tubbo, that must've been; he could've told because his brown hair and softer facial features. tubbo had a dark green coat with more pockets than needed, tommy instead wore a small brown coat.

he studied his surroundings, a forest lit up by the bright light of the sun above; red, yellow and orange leaves falling on the floor as each step led with an echoing crunch of the ground. the dirt was iced with leaves caked in the dirt.

"we needen't to be home by now; phil must be worried sick." the older who tommy noted as wilbur, nodded, staring at his brothers. wilbur wore a red hat and a long blue coat over his yellow sweater and black pants.

"oh'kay!" tubbo announced, following wilbur. that's right; they need to go home. "we're heading home, with tommy at my side. though the day is long, the night is even longer. wilbur, tubbo and tommy, heading home before the night falls; father waiting for us at home and the ringing of the bell calls!" tubbo sang, his carefree posture evident as wilbur walked stiffly. tommy followed, just walking. tubbo took out his ukelele that he was carrying on his back and let out a sigh.

"sing with me tommy, please?" tubbo asked as tommy rolled his eyes and shook his head. "how about you, wil? it's really quiet and sad and lonely in the woods."

tommy let out a sigh. "though the cold embraces us like home...uh. the trees a shade of red and orange and yellow...and stuff?" tommy said rather un-rhytimically. tubbo laughed.

"you're not good at this, how... hmm." tubbo played a chord on his uke. "the cold embrace like a mothers place; the smell of old fallen rain. the red and orange of the fall leaves, caked in dirt and covered in the rain..." tubbo stopped. "i can't think of the word. it's the smell of rain, yeah." he nodded, thinking.

"petrichor, tubbo. it's petrichor." wilbur said, as he stopped. "it's already getting dark, the moon is visible already." wilbur sighed, opening his bag and taking out his lantern and a match, flicking it across a nearby rock before he held his lantern up, the light slicing the dark in half.

"what do you suggest we are to do?" tommy asked, trying to match the way they talked; sort of old times, he noted. he was trying not to talk very much; tears were threatening to fall down his cheeks if he did. tommy sniffled a bit, seeing his brothers so happy tore his heart in half (in a good way, must he add.)

"find a tavern!" tubbo said, "or a village! anything, i guess. somewhere to sleep."

"must appreciated, sherlock holmes. like we didn't know that." wilbur muttered sarcastically.

"really...? don't you go to school? i thought you would have been smarter." tubbo said rather absentmindedly, his cluelessness forcing tommy to sigh. wilbur stopped, holding his hand up for the duo to look at. tubbo raised an eyebrow, as tommy peeked over wilbur's taller stature. a house in a field stood as tubbo let out a "whoo! we found somewhere to sleep!"

"danger, perhaps. they're strangers in an empty field; isn't that dangerous?" tommy pepped in as wilbur nodded. "we should be polite and careful, quiet and gentle too, right tub-" wilbur watched as tubbo ran ahead and knocked on the door. tommy and wilbur attempted to catch up as tall man opened the door, a small white smile was painted on his green door; the man himself wearing a mask, dirty blonde hair atop his head. "we are so sorry sir, our brother- he-"

the man let out a small chuckle. "it's okay, i assume you're looking for rest in the night? being the only house for miles 'round, can be a bit of chaos; lots of visitors." the man said. "im dream. who do you happen to be?"

tubbo raised his hand. "im tubbo, this is tommy and the tall one with a silly hat is wilbur!" as wilbur gasped, pretending to be offended.

"it's not silly!" the defended as dream opened the door for the trio to come inside. tubbo was first, followed by tommy then wilbur, who put his lantern out as dream headed to the fireplace. pictures decorated the mantel, pictures of a girl who looked like this dream lad stood out against the pictures of two brunettes, one wearing blue and the other red.

"welcome to my home! im happy to have you here. children, it may be! i haven't seen children since my-" dream stopped talking, scratching his neck. "nevermind. i half expected sapnap and george at the door but i assume they're out late so do you want some stew? it's on the stove, I'll go serve it." dream babbled absentmindedly.

"he's funky!" tubbo announced once dream left. wilbur shook his head, sitting by the fire.

"it's the best we can do, be safe of course; but he seems nice. maybe he's a father." wilbur said, staring at the mantel. the small girl with dirty blonde hair stared back at them as tommy studied the living room. stairs to an upstairs stood at the left, a bookshelf under the stairs with things such as "fireplaces 101" and "war and peace." on the bookshelf and other trinkets like a locket. one happened to catch his eye, "grimoire of the harrison." tommy put his hands in his pockets, looking around the room as tubbo watched the fire burn, shades of yellow and red and orange like a ballet for display to the world. tommy let out a small smile as wilbur sat down, picking up a book and reading it. tommy decided to keep looking around, photos of the trio and the girl decorated almost every wall, one of which pictured the three men and the girl on dream's back against a nice sunset esque background.

wilbur then started to talk; "do you ever feel like a wayward lifeboat? like you're drifting in the endless sea without any hope. or how about a leaf in the wind. mmm... however a leaf in the wind is very very gentle, how about a drowning man, in oil. you can't see, you can't hear, and one match and you will go up in flames. i do feel like one tip and we may be lost forever, yes?" tubbo was laying on the ground.

"i think i found a spider!" tubbo announced as tommy gave a laugh.

"you're both stupid."

"stew is done, children!" dream said, holding a tray of three bowls. "i do hope you enjoy, yes? it's been so long since i've had children over, oh dear! sapnap and george will be thrilled, will they not?" he said, putting the bowls down and clapping his hands. now that tommy noticed, dream was holding several bottles in his belt with colored liquid.

"who's the little girl?" tubbo asked, taking a bowl and stuffing his mouth full of chicken, carrots and some mystery chunk. it tasted... odd...

"that's my sister, drista. she hasn't been around for a while." dream nodded, sitting down by the fireplace as wilbur picked up a bowl and eating a carrot and potato.

"did you kill her?" tubbo asked. "is she whats in this stew?!" the boy yelled, rather loudly.

"oh, no no no! i wouldn't dare cook my dear sister; instead she was taken."

"taken by who?" tommy whispered as dream sighed. the masked man put his hand on his temples. a mystery, it seems.

"the beast; a heartless creature whom's eyes are the only thing seen. his minions, dark, devilish creatures of the shadow. their figures are only seen through the dark, you see. drista was taken by him. the beast." dream admitted, his throat hurting and his eyes daring to let out tears like the rain and it's misty dew, though the kids couldn't see as such. "you know the beast, right?"

"uh, no. but i do know that i enjoy this soup?" tubbo muttered as wilbur gave him a dirty look.

"i needen't tell, wouldn't want to scare you dear kids away. alas, the fire is running out so i must go outside and get more wood for it." dream said, grabbing his hatchet, opening the green door and closing it in one swift movement. "i will to be back soon."

tommy sighed. "the beast?! he takes children?!" wilbur exclaimed as tubbo stood up.

"i say we stay here, the fire is warm and we worry not about the beast with dream for the night, right?" tubbo reasoned as wilbur decided to say something.

"no, he's sketchy. this 'beast' story too? he probably wants to kidnap us and eat us or something! he's creepy and plus, we're with a stranger. stranger danger?! that's what father always said." the oldest cried as tommy interjected.

"objection: we should just... tell him we're leaving once he's back. and plus!—" a loud groan came from upstairs. tubbo looked to tommy who looked to wilbur who looked to the staircase with skepticism painting his face.

"holy crap, dream has a hostage!" tubbo whispered as the trio looked at each other.

"should we-" tommy started before wilbur and tubbo started to go up the stairs. "okay. okay; i understand." tommy whispered as wilbur took the lead. the soft glow of the moonlit window exposed small dust particles that danced in the air, the glow that danced along the pale skin or the boys who quietly went up the stairs and stopped at a large dark brown door. tubbo opened the mysterious variable, tommy waiting as wilbur looked at the duo. tommy shook his head, peeking his head in and whispering a small and gentle "hello...?"

"dream, is that you? did you bring me-" the figure looked at the trio. "you're- you're not dream. what have you done with him??" the voice yelled, their dark blue eyes piercing the dark with fury and aforethought fear. as the trio closed the door and ran downstairs as they heard screeching and bangs against the wall.

"oh no, oh no, oh no! dream is ought to be furious with us-" tubbo exclaimed as the door opened. the creaking led to a soft "no."

"what did you guys do?! did you go upstairs! i thought i needen't warn thee!" dream yelled as he dropped his firewood and ran up the stairs. the trio sat back down, nervously looking at each other as they heard distant screams and mutters.

"should we leave or-" wilbur asked as tommy looked at tubbo who looked at wilbur who looked at the staircase. "we should apologize at the least! we shan't be cruel, what do you think?" wilbur asked.

"... please... be quiet. i don't want you to scare away the kids; i'm not done with them yet..." was heard from upstairs as dream quietly closed the door.

"he's not done with us yet?! is he going to hurt-" tubbo started before wilbur held his hand up to quiet him as dream was heading down the stairs.

"i oft to apologize to you children; that's my... mother, she was loud and you probably got curious, is it not?" tommy nodded slowly, scooting closer to tubbo, intertwining fingers with his brother. "do not be disturbed, please. i miss having children here, you guys are just the most dear peas i've yet to see, yes?" dream patted tommy's head, before walking to his kitchen. "i will be right back."

wilbur looked at dream before darting to the door, wanting to catch a glimpse of what dream was doing. tommy and tubbo quietly followed as they spied over the doorframe. they watched as dream grabbed a butcher knife, slowly carving a small smile into an apple before throwing it into the boiling pot, which tommy noted was a cauldron. he then grabbed a piece of meat and grabbed a hammer; hitting the meat. he then cut it, before putting that into the cauldron. he then took out a jar labelled "ears." before taking one out and eating it, a red soft pale and squishy piece of skin in his mouth before putting three in the cauldron. then, kidneys. dream took off his mask and took a sniff of the stew he was making, before cutting a small lock of hair and putting it in his cauldron, before sitting up and his face being visible now.

it was a veiny black, his eyes a neon red and blue; his veins pulsating violently, his pupils dialating and his veins turning all black. "dammit." dream whispered before looking at the door, seeing the kids.

tubbo put his hands over his mouth as wilbur grabbed his two brothers by the hands and opening the door. "we must'nt look back!" wilbur screamed as dream stood up, screaming and begging for them to come back.

"wait, children! worry not! the howl of the wind is far more dangerous than i! please, do not run!" dream screams, his black veins pulsing to his scream.

tubbo ran faster than anyone else, into the dark forest, the moon and stars against the sky's black canvas above them, a soft, doe, milky white light dawning upon the children and the monster before dream stopped, the trio now in the safe embrace of the dark.

"when the dark is the safest home thy knows; is there much willing left for the survivors; could we escape perhaps though, embracing the dark for thy's deeds and expeditioners?" wilbur recitied as tommy let out a grunt.

"it's no time to be reciting poetry; what in the hell happened?!" he screamed as tubbo put his back against a tree and sat down, panting.

"a witch, i assume. dream was a witch who was going to eat us!" wilbur screamed, his voice cracking.

"i do wonder why a witch was out to get us. maybe he just wanted a hug." tubbo said as tommy sat next to him, wilbur following suit. the trio started to feel content.

"that's silly, tubbo. he was dangerous." wilbur nodded as tubbo shook his head.

"maybe, maybe not. only time will tell..." tubbo said, looking at his siblings before falling into a deep slumber.

the sounds of birds chirping and the forests quiet rays of light; leaves blowing in the late autumn wind.

"wake up!" a female voice whispered, as tubbo looked up. a small, small fairy was atop his head. "i haven't seen people like thee in a while!" she quietly whispered as tubbo shook tommy and wilbur.

"there's a fairy on my head?!" tubbo whisper-yelled as tommy grunted.

"be quiet." tommy said before being judged and opening his eyes. "... a fairy?!" he screamed as wilbur simply studied the being.

"how interesting; must write this down!" wilbur announced, taking a stolen book and pen out before drawing the fairy rather quickly.

"im uhm, valerie. im a fairy who guides lost souls in the forest. i have stumbled upon thee whilst in the forest and are you lost?" she asked.

"yeah! we almost got eaten by a witch!" tubbo rather optimistically cried.

"yeah; this forest seems rather dangerous. we want to go home but we don't quite know where home is." tommy said as valerie the fairy started to pace back and forth whilst still flapping her wings.

"i could bring you to my friend! she's a talented mage whom could bring thee home; worry not!" she said before ushering the boys.

tubbo took out his ukelele, now staring to sing. "we're heading home, with tommy at my side. though the day is long, the night is even longer. wilbur, tubbo and tommy, and thus fairy who's name happens to be valerie! heading home before the night falls; father waiting for us at home and the ringing of the bell calls!"

…"wait. fairies? witches— this is outlandish. i know the voice said that this wouldn't be our reality, but this is ridiculous!" everything froze and turned a dark grey.

"sigh. tommy, why can't you be happy?" the voice asked.

"i don't want this fake storytime bullshit. of every alternate universe you put me through, this one is the stupidest and shottiest and… and i just want a happy ending!" he screamed, tears running down his cheeks. "i don't want to play pretend, i don't want to fight witches or destroy a beast! i just want to go home." the boy cried.

the voice felt pity. "it's at times like these where my job is all too hard. you're a kid, you're 16. and yet you've gone through… a lot. i can't give you home, i can't give you a perfect ending. not only would it ruin the story but it would… break the rules."

"can i have another chance? please…? i hate this. i hate this, i wish i just asked to be a ghost from the start and not me thinking i could do things right! please… just let me be happy…" 

the voice raised their eyebrow. "become a ghost too…?" 

"please. i just want to be happy."

the voice sighed again. "i hate my job. i hate it. i deserve a raise. fine. only because the story will be more entertaining and there can be a sequel… only because.. there's so many unfinished character arcs... god i hate pity. let's talk, tommy."

a snap, and things were back in the white room. 

"im an immortal being! ive already done this spiel, but i'm… god. fine. fine. as long as i get a raise, you can have another chance."

"thank you…"

snap.

"tommy…?" whispered a quiet tubbo. 

"...tubbo?" he whispered back. as he was let out of the riverbank, wilbur, schlatt, dream; all of them were there. "what happened…?"

"you fell into a river and drowned. quite… anticlimactic. you're a ghost now." tubbo said, sitting next to his friend. "you're dead."

"...okay." tommy said, looking at tubbo. "you're not angry…? at me?"

"it's been months. i think it's time i forgive you. oh, and… we need to catch up. schlatt's my dad it turns out."

"ha. yeah, i figured that out."

jschlatt sat next to tommy. "i still hate your guts." he pointed to wilbur. "but… tubbo told me you were a good friend.. you make him happy." jschlatt sighed, sitting back and staring at the sunset.

"i hope this is a happy ending for you and the audience." the voice whispered to tommy.

"thank you."

as cliche as it was, it was a happily ever after.

—

"listen, voice. i know you exist. this shit is sappy as hell, and…" dream took off his mask.

"im dead. i died; now tell me. how do i get my happy ending…? tell me now?! how do i… how do i get to control everything. this happy end is temporary, wait until l'manberg 2.0! wait for another war… i want tommy to stay dead."

the voice laughed. "and why should i do that? each timeline you're a manipulator…"

"because you have to." 

"..." the voice was silent. "i'll think about it."

**Author's Note:**

> ...give me clout. please please tell me your opinion on twitter (just @ me), or comment. kudos is appreciated. this took weeks.


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